I am in a situation that I have never faced before and will never face again right now in my life.  I was able to sit and have lunch with my Mom last week and my step father.  We proceeded to our house afterwards so they could play with their most beautiful granddaughter ever!  After playing for a little bit my Mom began to tell me about her latest doctors appointment.  The doctors had shared with her that the cancer they thought they got rid of in surgery was back and it was all over her body.  She then told me that the doctors had given her less than 6 months to live.

   Of course I tried to be strong for mom; whatever that really means!  the best part was my mom looking at me and sayng that no matter what she was ready.  i replied that i knew she was.  She then replied but you know what I mean I am ready for what is come whenever that may be.  What comforting statement that my mother knows she going to see her savior whenever that day arrives.  So we talked about what few options were left and then after playing some more the most beautiful baby girl in the world they went home.

   As a youth pastor I have prayed with many families and people for healing for them or a loved one.  I have even seen God answer those prayers.  I truly got to go pray with a women in the hospital once and the next was told that her cancer was gone.  But this not a stranger its my mother and I find that i pray for healing but i am not sure how much faith I have that healing will come.  Maybe it is a defense move so that i dont get disappointed.  But i don't understand why my prayer seems and feels so faithless.  I just find myself saying God heal her but knowing that part of my heart is already trying to prepare for the life to come rather than now.  Sometimes i even want my mom to be in Heaven where i can know that she will have no pain, or not start losing her memory, or deal with the illness that comes from treatment.

God would you help my unbelief.  Would I pray that your will be done!  Would I not be double minded in my prayer!  Also help to see what else i should pray for besides jsut my mothers physical healing.  Would i pray for family to find salvation for family members.  For your glory to be revealed.